I'll Look After You
by AnonWriterKJ
Summary: As John deals with the injuries he received while in the military, Punk quickly learns just how much his friend needs him. He promises to stay by John's side through it all, but after several severe episodes Punk begins to question his own promise. [AU]
1. Chapter 1

**Note:** This is the first time I've posted something here in a long time. I'm just getting back into writing, so please no harsh comments. Military scenes are not a strong point in my writing, but I tried... so just bare with me. I hope you all enjoy this, and if you don't then that's fine. I will be adding chapters as soon as I can. Enjoy. :)

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"Two more fuckin' weeks boys and we'll be out of this wasteland hell, just in time for Christmas with the loved ones." Erick flashed a small grin before placing his cigarette back between his lips. His calloused and scarred hand quickly returned back to the handle of his M4, looking between his fellow comrades.

"I can't wait to get out of here. I'm missin' home." Eddie admitted, shaking his head. "Miss my two girls."

"Just don't count the days or watch the clock… we'll be on that plane home before we know it." The larger, muscular man finally spoke up. A grin followed by a chuckled came out from him next. They were running out of gas in their tanks, after two years they just wanted to get home for however long they'd be allowed. Each member had his own reasons to protect and those very reasons were the ones calling them home.

"Soundin' like an old wise man, J." Eddie laughed, nudging the man.

"Feel like one around the bunch of you." J teased, giving them all a sly smirk.

"Oh fuck ya hot shot." Charles piped up, driving the hummer down its usual route.

"Probably would." Erick snickered, gaining a chuckle from the rest of the crew. They all had fallen silent shortly after that, scouting out the windows of the hummer, taking in the miles of dirt and rolling hills around them. Each trained eye searched for anything that stood out from the typical surroundings. It was their last patrol of the night and the last one for a while. All their hands stayed at the ready of their weapons, even Charles who became an expert of driving and holding his gun for dear life.

"So kid, ya got family to get home to?" Charles asked the young man. He was relatively new to their crew and given all that took place in the days, they'd easily forget little things like that mentioned.

Scotty nodded, a bright smile filling up his baby face, green eyes filling up with life. "Yup, I've got some family and more importantly my girl. We're expecting a baby girl soon; I'll be getting home just a couple months before the due date." He tucked his hand inside his vest, pulling out two pictures to show the guys. One picture was of him and his girlfriend with a clear baby bump, and the other the first ultra sound taken of his baby girl.

"Very adorable." J said as he passed the pictures over to Eddie, "I wish you three the best of luck."

"Gonna have a wonderful family, man." Eddie said softly, missing his girls even more after seeing a picture like that.

"We'll make sure you get home to your girls, Scotty." Erick made the promise, intending fully to keep it. Each man in this crew had become a family, a unit, all in this together. It was the job for others to cheer one up when they were down, or pick them up when they fell. It was a strong brotherhood they built up in just weeks, but would last a lifetime. At night they would share family letters or pictures, or play cards, hell they'd even sing karaoke in their briefs just to entertain one another. Everyone on the crew mattered.

"Thanks guys." Scotty blushed some, tucking his pictures back into the inside of his vest pocket. "I'll make sure you guys get back home too."

"Alright, sappy bitches," Charles butted in, slowing the hummer to a stop, "get out and work those eyes."

All the men got out one by one, each one looking around to make sure the area was clear before the next could come out. J and Eddie walked down a short path and ended at the edge of a small cliff. J knelt with his sniper at the ready while Eddie scooped the area out with binoculars. After several minutes of checking they all met back at the truck, talking briefly about anything they saw. Next Charles pulled out a map, showing the rest of the crew a road he wanted to take. It was going to lead them home, but it would be faster. It wasn't a road many teams went down, but it was consider the safer option even despite it being a canyon for most of the way. Everyone had voted yes on it but Scotty, and the men ignored it as nerves. They all knew they would be okay, and they wanted Scotty to see they would too. Once back inside the hummer, silence took over again, filling the men's ears but not their minds. The road ahead gradually became bumpier than the previous one, sending the men rocking about, but they were used to the rough rides. The mood inside the hummer slowly shifted and the men began to open up more, knowing they were just a few miles away from the camp.

"J, you've got family right? You still with your lover?" Erick asked, patting the broad shoulders of the man in the front seat.

"I have a shit ton of family." J chuckled, looking back to see them better. "I am. I can't wait to get home and wrap my arms around them and look at the tree they probably didn't put up because it's too complicated." He laughed, knowing it was a good possibility.

"How long you been with this person?" Scotty asked.

"We met back in college, kinda went back and forth and tried a long distance thing. We've been together since then."

"That's awesome. Y'all planning on getting married?"

"Maybe one day…" J just offered that short answer and a small grin, not wanting to get into the long details of why he couldn't get married right now if he wanted to. It wasn't legal where they lived, not yet anyways. He didn't have the heart to tell his crew he was gay either, not now. He was afraid it would ruin any trust they had with him.

"You better invite us." Eddie said sharply, giving J a serious look.

"You know I will, assholes." J winked at them all, turning his head back to the road. His ears perked up when he heard the men carrying on conversations in the back, making the ride seem a lot calmer than it was by their playful banter. His blue eyes stared out the dusty window, slowly drifting off to his day-dreams, just picturing getting home and being able to kiss and hug his boyfriend. He longed for it so badly he could actually feel the arms of his lover around him, breath on his skin, and lips teasing his. It was a nice thought; even one that made him shut his eyes, wanting to make it last for as long as he could. J could see them sitting on the floor, opening presents together and laughing, he could see everything he needed more than anything right in front of him. It felt so real and was abruptly ruined by a loud pop and a severe rush of pain. The hummer went from driving slowly down the dirt road to flipping over and becoming engulfed in flames. J was stuck in his own darkness for several long minutes before coming to, hearing the screaming from the hummer and the sizzling of the fire behind him. He blinked several times, trying to get his blue eyes adjusted to his surroundings, ears filling with a deafening ring. Before his body could rush itself into a deeper shock, he felt the pain in his leg and arm. Seeing the pool of blood just below him in the dirt, knowing it was his.

"I CAN'T GET HIM OUT!" Eddie screamed, his voice hoarse from all the emotions, struggling to pull Scotty out from the wreckage. The image of the young man covered in blood and missing limbs burned into his mind like the fire on his skin. "C'mon…. COME FUCKING ON!" His panic grew louder by the second as he tried to pull Erick out next, managing to do so, dragging him over to J's position.

"J… John," Erick muttered, his whole body trembling.

John used what little power he had left to look at the older man, seeing how bloody and burnt his face was. Trying hard to move over to him, dragging his lower body in the dirt, only using one arm to pull himself. His fingers grabbed onto the vest of his fellow crew member, using the limpness of him to pull himself closer, eyes watering over from the blood getting in them. "Erick…"

Erick gasped for air, trying to hold John's hand, eyes slowly drowning out to a blackness he dreaded. "Get…. Scott…. Family…"

John nodded to the best of his ability, grabbing Erick by the chin, gently moving his head. "Don't fuckin' die on me…. You got family too ya know."

"Love…. You…. Them…" Erick forced the last words out, eyes locked onto John's until they slowly drifted away, falling completely into darkness. A small breath escaping past his cut lips, his last breath… his last moments.

"Erick." John said with a choked sob, shaking his friend, not wanting to accept the fact he was gone. "Erick!" He shouted again, waiting to hear a response. Instead he was interrupted by another loud blast, forcing his head down into the dirt even more. He slowly faded out to the crackling and popping of the fire, and the low groans of anyone else that was left alive. Those sounds guided him out, hanging on to the only thing he could… the only words that clouded out the rest. The voice of his lover from their last phone call… "I love you John."

Chicago (The Next Day):

Punk had just checked the oven one last time before taking a seat next to his friend, sipping down some of his Pepsi. The day had just been filled with talk of wrestling and sports, pizza, and plenty of laughs. It was all Punk could do on a day off to keep his mind off the fact his boyfriend was so far away. Thankfully he had a friend like Colt who was more than happy to spend time with him, understanding completely how lonely it could get. It was very rewarding for him.

"So are we going to catch a hockey game before the break for the holidays?" Colt asked his friend, glancing over at the man.

"Um… yeah, I'm not booked anywhere so if we can score us some tickets maybe John and come along too."

"Sounds like a plan to me. How is John anyways?"

"Homesick," Punk answered honestly, "His last call to me was heartbreaking. I really just wanted to hug him, as sappy as that sounds. I think he's getting very excited to be home for the holidays this year." He couldn't hide his smile; he too was thrilled to be able to have John home this year. It would be a big lie if he said he hadn't already planned a couple nice evenings for them.

"That's good. I still don't know how he can do that stuff… being away from home for that long is one thing, but doing something like that is another."

Punk nodded, getting up a couple minutes later, getting the pizza out of the oven. "Another perfect pizza, Colt, you owe me twenty bucks."

Colt let out an audible groan, rolling his eyes as he dug into his pocket, pulling out a crumpled up twenty dollar bill. "Fine, but I know you'll burn it next time."

Before Punk could answer his phone rang, catching it when Colt tossed it over to him. He smiled, knowing the number was a military one, getting his hopes up to hear John's voice. His excitement was soon crushed as the news was broke to him, almost dropping his phone to the floor. Doing his best to even answer 'Yes' to the question if he wanted to fly out to the hospital holding John, feeling his heart stop and drop into the pit of his stomach. By the time he hung up he was basically on the verge of sobbing, giving Colt a look that was so beyond broken and scared.

"What happened?!" Colt shot up from his chair, going over to Punk instantly.

"J-J-John…." Punk muttered, hugging Colt tightly, and afraid if he let him go he'd lose him as well.

"John what? What is going on, Phil?"

"The hummer…." Punk took a deep breath, trying to regain his composure, honestly knowing it wasn't going to happen. "The hummer John was in blew up… it killed everyone but two guys and John is one. He's bad… he's very bad. I have to go. They're flying me out there for free."

Colt's heart broke for Punk, unable to even imagine the pain he must have felt. He nodded, patting Punk's back. "I'll help you pack a bag. Do you want me to go with you?"

Punk just nodded, holding his words back to keep himself from breaking down and crying. He tore himself away from Colt and rushed to his room, throwing together a bag as quickly as he could. Mentioning to Colt about how they needed to stop by his place to get a bag for him and then go. Stopping just before they left to grab the dog tags John left for him, putting them around his neck, wanting to feel something close to his heart. Punk was deadly silent the whole way to Colt's house and to the airport, just trying to process everything. Feeling sick at the thought of the man he loved going through so much pain. It created a heavy feeling in his chest, one that tugged at his heart every time he tried to speak. He had to get to John, he had to be there right this second and the flight wasn't going to be fast enough. Punk needed to hold his hand, he needed to know that John was well enough and knew he was still loved.

He had sat in the chair for days, clinging to John's bandaged hand, eyes staying vigil for any sign of movement. Each time he looked away from John he could only think about how each injury occurred. Colt provided a distraction when they came in to clean the burns on John's arms, taking layers of skin off, and rewrapping them back up. The same process was done with his legs, but his right one was more severe, covered with a series of skin grafts already, but it wasn't a done process. John was lucky to still have his leg, and Punk was very thankful that he was allowed that. The other bandage they came to change was one on John's left eye that stretched out to his ear, covering a deep cut he received when he was thrown from the hummer. It was held together by stitches and would be that way for a while before it would heal. Then the only remaining sign there would be an obvious scar.

None of the marks or scars would matter to Punk, the only thing that would was John was still alive and able to be in his arms. All the flaws would just add to the attraction now, and his love would only grow. Colt had stayed by Punk's side through it all, offering any comfort that he could; still finding it hard to believe this was John.

Punk gently kissed John's hand, looking up at him. "I love you, John."


	2. Hear Me

_**Note:** _I am SO terribly sorry for taking so long with updating this story. I never wanted to leave it sit for so long but school started shortly after posting so that's been taking up most of my time, and I've been going through some personal issues. I am very sorry. I do hope the people that read before come back. I wrote this out last night because I'm an insomniac from hell. I hope it's okay, I cannot tell you how many times I started this chapter and deleted it and started with a new idea. I hope to have the next chapter up by some time next week. Thanks for reading! And again, no harsh comments please! Enjoy!

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John brushed away the faint traces of snow away from the granite tombstone, making sure the front was completely clear. He parted his lips enough to let out a breath, watching the steam vanish in the cold morning air. His blue eyes shifted around the silent cemetery, taking in all the markers for the people, finally looking down at the one in front of him. It wasn't supposed to be like this, this wasn't how it was supposed to end. They were all supposed to be standing at home surrounded by loved ones and the holiday spirits. They were all supposed to be able to call each other up and have a random get together. They were all supposed to live. John still couldn't help but feel like he had failed the men that grew to be his brothers. It was a guilt that didn't belong to him or anyone, but it was one he took on. It ate at him like a parasite but he still pushed on, knowing if anyone was to live the others would be rolling over in their graves if they let their chance go to waste. He pulled out a brand new can of Mountain Dew and placed it next to the grave marker, making sure it was in a place where it wouldn't fall over easily. "Brought your favorite again, and no I didn't shake it." He grinned sadly as the memories came back to him, they were flashbacks that hit him like a freight train, enough to freeze him up as he relived those moments. After the caw of a crow his daze was thrown off. He didn't know how long he had sat there, but the snow slowly started to fall again and the wind had picked up. The imagines that played back like a movie were now gone from his head, body finally reacting to its surroundings as he shivered. He placed a shaky and weary hand down on the cold stone, tapping his finger along the rough edge. "I'm sorry, Scott. I am so sorry I couldn't help you see your little girl. She's beautiful… I've just seen the pictures and talk to her over the phone. I haven't found the courage to see them." He wiped away his stray tears, managing to put on a grin. "And Eddie is doing well. He's gotten through the divorce and is living with his sister; she takes great care of him. We all plan on going running… like in a marathon. Once we've gotten better at using our new legs." He joked; knowing a task like that was far from where they were now. The two had just barely learned how to walk with prosthetic legs and were slowly moving to jogging. "Charles didn't really have anyone but a dog and he was already with his sister so that's okay. And as for Erick's family… I think they feel the same way I do. They won't speak to me, hell they don't even look at me. I don't know if it's because I was one of the last to see their son, husband, and father or what…"

"I have been doing really well." John adjusted the way he was sitting, leaning back against the tombstone, not caring if the snow below got his pants wet. "I've been going to therapy and she's very impressed with how far I've come. Even though my stress, depression, and anxiety are slowly eating away at me along with the guilt. And physical therapy is wonderful, they're teaching me so much… I've learned so much about how losing a leg isn't a bad thing. And Phil goes with me every chance he gets; he is always standing and encouraging me to walk to him. It's amazes me how supportive he's become, even when I've been a complete dick to him." He took in a deep breath of the cold air, coughing slightly from how it took his breath away. "My skin grafts are healing up really nicely this time, the first time it was horrible. They had to redo my whole left side and good lord is it taking forever. If I can be honest though, I feel like some sort of monster. Like Frankenstein almost, broken and then put back together in pieces. Phil assures me every day that I'm not anything like that, he always tells me these are battle scars and they are a sign I am alive…" He drifted from the topic as he focused on a familiar car slowly pulling up. After his blue eyes registered the color and make he knew it was time to go. He carefully got to his feet, looking down at the grave marker one last time. "I miss you buddy. I'll look after your girls, I promise. Keep a spot up there for me, alright? I love you.." He didn't notice his tears falling to the frozen ground below, patting the stone one last time before forcing himself to turn away. Despite his limp and the slick ground he made it to his car before the other vehicle could pull up and park. And just like that John was driving away, looking back in the mirror, frowning as he saw the woman climbing out of the car, knowing exactly who it was.

"Sweetheart," The older woman asked as she carefully got out of the car, "who was that man?"

The brown haired woman looked at her mother and grinned, glancing back at her daughter in the car seat. "An old friend of Scott's, he likes to come and go." The mother nodded, growing a smile of her own as she looked back at the sports car disappearing off in the distance.

Punk tapped his fingers along to the beat of the music he was listening to, checking on the coffee before turning back to his paperwork. He took a break from his wrestling job so that he could be with John, but now that things were better he was slowly looking to get back into the business. The papers scattered across the counter of the island were several contracts and offers he received from various companies, big to small, and he needed to go through each one very carefully. The last thing he wanted was to be in a place where he had no say.

John quickly opened the door, stepping inside the house quickly so he could escape the cold. Letting his body shudder before taking his jacket off, placing his keys in the bowl where Punk's were. Rubbing his hands together he made his way to where the music was coming from, hearing the faint sounds slowly getting louder as he walked in, reaching to adjust his hearing aid to make sure he wasn't blasted away by it once in the room. He smiled when he saw his boyfriend and smelled the coffee. "Perfect timing for coffee."

Punk looked up and smiled, chuckling at John's reddened cheeks and nose. "Perfect indeed, is it really cold out?"

"Fuck yeah." John cursed, taking a seat at the opposite side of the island, eyes drifting down to all the papers, glancing over them the best he could. "What's all this?"

"This would be companies trying to get me, ranging from local to international, Indy to WWE, and I think there's even a UFC offer."

"Shit.." John grabbed one as Punk poured their cups. "You get all these today or have you just been collecting?"

"Collecting," Punk handed John his steaming cup of coffee, stretching out, "I wanted to get as many as I could before deciding, that way I don't leave anyone out ya know."

John nodded, taking his coffee in his hand, enjoying the instant warmth on his frozen hand. He blew over the steaming beverage, eyes moving along the lines of the written contract, searching for anything that would bring up an issue.

"But I won't make a decision without your word included. This is something that will impact us both and I do not want to go running off if you need me here."

"Thank you." John smiled, setting the paper down. Honestly he wasn't ready for Punk to get back into work, and he wasn't one hundred percent positive he ever wanted him to. He knew the lifestyle meant a lot to Punk and it was pretty much all he knew, but John was barely finding ways to cope with his disabilities and the thought of Punk being away for shows made him feel alone already. He swallowed down some of his coffee, hissing some when it burnt his tongue. "When do you need to decide on these?"

"Not right away but soon. I can't keep them waiting or they will give these spots to other deserving men. I'm not saying we need to talk or do anything about it right now though."

"Good. I want some time for both of us to go over all this." John motioned at the mess of papers.

"We will baby." Punk smiled, moving over to pat John on the shoulder, kissing just behind his ear. "How was the visit?"

John let a sigh roll out, shrugging his shoulders some. "It was okay. Leigh showed up though, I got out of there before she even pulled up. I'm just not ready yet.."

"You will be one day and when that day comes you'll find out just how happy she'll be to see you." He hoped that would be true, knowing Leigh was very happy whenever she got to speak with John. And she worked very well with him, never bringing up what happened unless John did and then always told him it was okay. But the paranoia still got to John, keeping him from socializing with the woman and her daughter. Punk really hoped that one day they would all meet and see how grateful they would be to one another. He wasn't about to push John into anything like that though, he acknowledged that John needed the time to cope and accept things.

"Oh! Before I forget and you're thrown off, Colt, Cliff, and April are coming over tomorrow."

John tensed up at the mention of their friend's coming over. Don't get it wrong, he liked them, but he still wasn't very thrilled to see guests. "What time?"

"About three I think, just to hang out." Punk said calmly, fearing that John was going to react badly to this.

"Awesome." John said with a smile, hiding just how nervous he was already. The three friends had always been amazing to John and respected him, but it wouldn't get through his thick skull. "Hopefully I won't look too much like a monster."

"You never look like one. God I wish you'd stop saying that." Punk muttered. He began to think he was a broken record, constantly repeating this to John.

John just shook his head, gulping down his coffee as he got up and wandered into the other room. Standing in front of the grand windows, looking out over the snowy city, keeping his back to Punk, not wanting to fight over this again. He really hated how much he doubted himself and how much confidence he had lost over all this. It was tearing a small hole in the love he shared with Punk and it was slowly growing bigger, whether the two noticed it or not. Both tried very hard to keep things simple and relaxed, but it often failed.

"I'm sorry.." Punk whispered as he walked up behind John, gently wrapping his arms around the man's chest, lips pressing tenderly to the back of his neck. "I love you."

John's head moved down, eyes locking onto Punk's tattooed arms. It was no lie; John loved to be held like this, and loved it even more when he was in Punk's arms. He couldn't stay mad, not today. "I love you too, Phil." As soon as the words left his mouth John placed his coffee mug down on the nearby table, returning back to Punk's arms, facing his lover this time. Both men smiled from ear to ear, pressing their foreheads together, getting lost in each other's eyes like love sick teens. Punk traced the scar on John's face with his thumb, doing that a few times before closing the small gap between their lips. Their hearts pounded away like drums in their chests as John pulled Punk's body closer, keeping his arms around his boyfriend, feeling safer than ever. The two shared kisses over and over, bodies slowly swaying to the music in the background, getting completely and utterly lost in the moment and lost in each other. Reminding both of them just how strong their love was.


End file.
